Europe needs to get real on defence; Britain needs to get real on Europe
13 February 2025
Congratulations to David Cameron and Trevor Kavanagh
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Post
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4 November 2009
Congratulations to David Cameron ... now there's something you never thought you'd see on here. But I mean it. I'm impressed.
Turn to page 4 of The Guardian and you will see why. He is standing, in the middle of a London Underground carriage, clutching a sheaf of papers in one hand, and WRITING with the other. The man is a genius. Have you ever tried it? Writing while standing on a moving Tube train? The only time I ever did, I ended up lurching forward and headbutting an American tourist, creating a scene in which someone who had been eyeing me up ever since I got on at Pimlico, said loudly 'hey, aren't you Alistair Darling?'
I said not even Fiona calls me that any more, apologised to the Yank, and skipped out at King's Cross.
Maybe this is what sets true leaders apart ... the ability to stand AND write. Take a closer look at the picture if you can. There are five other people in it, including shadow defence spokesman Liam Fox who has the look of a man thinking 'surely there is more to political life than being an extra in one of Dave's subterranean photoshoots.'
All five of Dave's companions are holding on to the rail in the ceiling of the carriage. It is dark outside, so we must assume the train is moving between stations. But Dave is unperturbed. The hand is still. The pen is on the paper. The poppy is in place. The picture is perfect. And that's enough Ps.
Over in The Times, a different carriage, a different picture, page 13. Liam Fox is history. The other men in suits are gone too. Dave knows that for The Times, a different image is called for. Guardian readers are Tube-standers. Times readers are sitters. Central Office polling makes that very clear. So for The Times, we sit. But we have the same look, we have the same pen, we are looking at the same sheaf of paper, we are pretending to work in the same way.
The problem with this one is that there are more people in the picture. Not so easy to control as Liam. So the first thing I notice is that he is the only one wearing a poppy. Shouldn't he say something? But he is so intent on that piece of paper, and the pen in his left hand.
The second thing I notice is that the people opposite him are not looking at him. Very London. He should go up north more. Two people a few yards away are looking at him, warily, suspiciously even. Neither seem terribly impressed. They are probably thinking that he does not look like a regular on the Jubilee Line, that all that scribbling looks a bit posed and phoney and oh, there's a camera to make sure they get a picture of Dave on the tube.
So all in all, had I been Dave, or had I been advising Dave, I would have stuck with the standing picture.
But hats off, he has just performed a spectacular U-turn on Europe and here am I, something of a critic of the man, blathering away about his demeanour on a London Underground photocall.
Congratulations to The Sun's Trevor Kavanagh too. Something else you didn't expect to hear. I always worried that Trevor's utter obsession with Europe bordered on a mild form of derangement. But he appears to have been cured. And we can thank Dave for this too. Because now The Sun is backing him, when Dave says the 'cast-iron guarantee' of a referendum no longer applies, Trevor has to fall into line, the line being that it would be odd to be opening a fight with Europe when people are more worried about jobs and the economy. They always were Trevor, they always were.
I am pleased his obsession has been tempered. It is always sad though, to see the fight go out of someone, because the boss says it has to.
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Does the Conservative Party really choose which pictures each newspaper will use? I can see them setting up the photo shoot, arranging the pictures and hoping that each will be to their own.
But would they really supply different newspapers different pictures? Surely it’s the newspapers, eager to get on David Cameron’s side, who are ensuring that he appeals to their readership?
lol – very funny! DC and his Sun cronies are practicing textbook Orwellian DoubleSpeak!
What a relief … when I saw your tweet I thought you were serious. Amazing though how Kavanagh has changed tune. The other interesting thing in The Guardian is Ben Bradshaw’s comments on how the Tories have changed all thgeir broadcadting and media policies to follow Murdoch’s agenda. When are the rest of the media, especially the BBC, going to wake up to what is going on?
I’m going to try it today. I think if you have good upper leg strength and lower back, you should be ok, though I agree the lurching can be a problem. At least he didn’t have a Starbucks. Probably waiting for an overground shot for that
like the Darling joke. I was at your Comedy Store event the other night. Liked your stuff on Fiona and football too. Very funny. And the political anecdotes. ever thought of going into politics??
Impressive feat for sure!
When will the press start to ask the difficult questions and demand answers from this man. He is a fraud and a faker (tempted but resisted the other F word)
More smoke than mirrors…..more pantomine horse than Derby winner.
I am so frustrated at our press for giving this man such an easy ride. When will the fight back start?
The news on the Europe story last night had a shot of Cameron getting onto a train, with his hair all slicked back. Either that or he was just out of the shower. But he looked like a City spiv. At least he is wearing a tie on the tube. Not seen The Guardian, but The Times picture is funny for the obvious efforts people are making not to look. He does look odd down there
There is enough genetic information in every single cell in your body to fill five hundred encyclopaedias.
Do you think he had a train going behind that one which was carrying his bags?
Funny how your contributors (and you, natch) are banging on about Dave’s ‘u-turn on Europe’ whilst conveniently forgetting to mention Labour’s failure to keep their manifesto commitment to the British people on exactly the same subject.
@AC “I am pleased his obsession has been tempered. It is always sad though, to see the fight go out of someone, because the boss says it has to.”
You weren’t saying that in 1997……..!
I fear that no antidote for the poison of British Euroscepticism is likely to be found in our lifetimes. Is no one willing to articulate forcefully the case for EU membership?
If Cameron and his Europhobic chums were to win next spring, Britain would become increasingly like a once respectable old lady chuntering away to herself in the corner – ignored and pitied by everyone else…
Please stop the carping and nit-picking Alastair. Every time I read this blog, it’s full of negativity and criticism of the Tories and the media. That is where you and your left wing cronies go wrong. Why don’t you positively stand up and defend Labour’s record, instead of laying into every aspect of the opposition. You’re beginning to sound like one of yesterday’s people, and come May 2010, that’s exactly what you’ll be!
I would give my right arm and sell all my siblings on the black market for you to run against DC, just to see the look on both Cameron AND Gordon’s face. It would be like Christmas, Easter, Champions League, Premiership, FA Cup and my birthday all rolled in to one!
Isn’t Alistair being racist by refering to an American tourist as “a Yank”.
I think the Grauniad and the (not so) Independent should follow this up – “Labour racist outrage..” and so on.
You sound so bitter. It’s like someone is copying your best work and you’re not getting the credit. Poor old Alistair. At least you did it first I guess? You should be so proud!
Your faux disappointment with one of your old mates now he is working for the other side. Pathetic.
Not even Gordo wants you and your old mates are seen as the chinless wonders they truly are by European leaders. Maybe it’s time to write another crap book?
Off topic:
After finding excuses for the Tories for going back on their referendum promise, Naughtie (I think) petted Mark Pritchard through a bed-in of an interview. I could hear both of them purr.
I don’t know why people over at Today feel they have to campaign for the Tories but there you go. I figure once they have the moat cleaning people in power, they can really go at them and have a bloody barbarian feast over the mediocrity and unreadiness of a potential Tory government.
Later on in the morning, Nick Robinson got on the show and explained how much David Cameron is reviled by the leaders of Europe. Colour me surprised.
Bloody Hell! He’ll be walking and talking at the same time next!
Charlie Reynolds — I think if you were to contrast the rather light and fluffy tone of AC’s blog, which had me laughing out loud at Birmingham new st this morning, with your heaviness of tone, the bitterometer might score higher for you than him. I love the way people who hate someone go onto their site to express it. Bitter … lui?
FRESH BLOOD NEEDED IN DOWNING STREET
PROVIDED IT ISN’T DAVID CAMERON’S
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Call still waiting (see the 2nd paragraph of your blog, 4 November 2009), for that shrill-voiced lady who’d been “ … eyeing up Mr Campbell … “ – and can you blame her, girls, be honest? – since he began his journey on the London Tube from Pimlico to King’s Cross station
“ … Hey there, handsome, ain’t you that sweet Alastair , … eh, darling?”
I feel certain your outspoken female admirer, that “mystery blonde” meant her message as a term of affection and loving endearment, not as a case of mistaken identity
Obvious to me, at least, she didn’t half fancy you, and simply wanted to share and express the atavistic lustfulness you’d happened to stir up inside her, ‘neath her loins. Like a contemporary re-take of Stanley Holloway starring in the 1950s film “Passport to Pimlico” – her desperate effort to put South London back on the map
Urrrgh, still, sometimes you canna help but chuckle, can you?
Curious, though. If Fiona Millar doesn’t call you “darling” or “Alastair, darling” –then, pray, what DOES she call you, sir?
Hang on, wait. No, please DON’T reveal that, here. Instead, let’s all do our best to guess and keep it a secret to ourselves. That way, those with the most luridly active imaginations get to relish a field-day ahead. Something mischievous, perhaps. About bum-bum pinching again, I bet. Yes, … I know how their Little Female Minds work
And it’s everywhere you look now. No longer can the men get away from it. Even a flip over to my own FaceBook profile page, reveals two tall, dark and handsome gentlemen, Messrs Fry and Campbell, both looking at their most dapper, and photographed with a petite but understandably smug-smiling Nigella, snuggled in between the handsomes. Like the egg mayo filling in a tasty and mouth-watering sandwich, enjoying some scrumptious time in the name of fundraising
Of course, Ms Lawson would always claim my vote. She could share No 10 with Gurkha-activist, Joanna Lumley. Time for change; fresh blood needed in Downing Street – provided it isn’t Cameron’s
Trevor Malcolm
Portsmouth Hampshire
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You really do hate all Man City fans including Cavanagh don’t you? If only they knew the wrath they would incur when they knicked your Clarets bobby hat at Maine Road!
Curious, if you do an image search for Cameron + tube you find the photo’s that Alastair notes and also photos from December 2008. What gives? What’s the reason that at around this time of the year the newspapers want pictures of Cameron below ground? It’s very odd.