I find myself once again in the position of having to rebut the accusations of my partner. No, this is not some kind of John Terry/Wayne Bridge drama about to unfold before your eyes, but a response to the sheeer volume of items on twitter re my domestic uselessness.
Not satisfied with revealing said DU in her book about working wimmin, Fiona has now gone and done a piece for the Radio Times on the same theme, reciting old stories about me refusing to mow lawns and not knowing how to cook – all true – amid a ‘new one’ about my deliberate breaking of a Hoover so that she never again asked me to clean.
I know memory plays tricks on people, and this Hoovergate incident took place almost 30 years ago. But I did NOT repeat NOT break the Hoover deliberately, as claimed by her. It genuinely broke down all on its own, on the one occasion when I was using it. There, that is my defence. The fact that she decided to see it as a deliberate act, one which made her decide never to ask me to clean again, is just a small bonus for me, which has served me well for 30 non-dusting, non-Hoovering years.
I am not proud of my DU, and I confess to feeling I may have set a bad example to our sons in particular. But the fact that our daughter seems more naturally disposed to helping Fiona around the house suggests, does it not, a genetic divide overlooked in her otherwise excellent book. (And before the angry comments come in … tongue is moderately in cheek here)
I have just had a meeting in the Wolseley in central London and was made aware of my domestic failings by, variously, readers of The Guardian, The Telegraph and a few online junkies, so I decided the rebuttal had to be instant. I’m now off to meet Nancy for a cup of tea. What do you mean which Nancy? There is only one Nancy. And like so many other people, she is telling me the mood has changed and Labour can win a fourth term. Plenty said the same at The Wolseley.
‘Not been so excited in years,’ one guy said to me. I said if we won I would be so happy I would Hoover the whole house, and make sure I didn’t break the damned thing.
** Looking forward to performing with Elvis at Thameside Theatre in Grays tonight. Elvis impersonators for Labour … the mood is good.
*** Buy The Blair Years here and raise cash for Labour http://www.alastaircampbell.org/bookshop.php.